i am kero (:

Just telling everyone who still reads my LJ (please tell me you guys don't, I haven't updated in aeons):

I've MOVED.

But of course that blog is hardly updated nowadays. I never keep my blogs for long :P I've probably had blogs on every single service on the Intarweb that offers personal journals...

Anyway! Update your links, and go bookmark that blog, because when I do update it's probably funny MOO HA HA.
okay not really. but still. go plz :P

This LJ will be completely private from now on~ well I do have another private blog but I let certain people read that. this one will be 100%, no exceptions allowed - priiiiiiiivate.

omg i read some of my old posts just now.
one year has changed me a lot!

4. one day, i am going to snap, and then you'll be fucking sorry. i don't often actively dislike people, much less loathe them, but you are an exception. i hate every single thing about you. i wish you'd just get out of my life, but you keep coming back and i'm sick of it

5. why did you go into the dark?

6. you idiot. no, it isn't easy. it was never easy. how close do you think i am to insanity? well if you don't know, guess what! i feel it at the edges of my mind all the time. i fight back hysterical screams (sometimes they escape) when talking to people on the phone. i have only been able to control myself for so long because i've been controlling all my life. but i can't even control what i do at night. i lose touch with my mind and i

7. sometimes i wish you would just lie to me. i don't care if you think you're leading me on, and i know it's selfish, and inconsiderate but - sometimes lies are what i need, just for a while, just to make my life easier. it's hard enough without dealing with hurt, and pain, from people i love so goddamned much.

8. the answer to that question you asked me, about that girl: yes, i do. people have called me an idiot for it, but i still do. i don't think i will ever stop, because, quite simply, i don't really want to.

( number nine is a little long, and obvious to people who know the person i'm talking about )

paranoia meme again (previously done a year and a half ago on my other blog. i have a whole damn lot of blogs, don't i? i should kill some of them for good. ok moving on) -- am not going to list the names this time, because. well. would you?

1. look, darling, you aren't better than me. i know very well that i am good at a whole damn lot of things, even if i choose to forget that sometimes. you are superior to me at none of these things. even as a person, no matter how painfully idiotic i can be sometimes, i > you. you can deny it. you can backstab me all you want. but i know that you know that comparing yourself to me is just going to hurt you in the end, and it will never touch me. so get a life already.

2. you're still copying me. why? don't you have your own personality? your own ideas? if i was less of a coward i'd have confronted you about this years ago. you copy my style of dressing, my style of writing, entire plots that i spent months fine-tuning. but i never say anything. what is there to say? what proof do i have? i never tell anyone about my writing except you. gosh i'm such an idiot, aren't i. i tell the one person who doesn't give a fuck about what i think. need to stop being such a goddamn pushover.

3. kimi wa kanojo wo boku kara tsuredashite ikimasu. boku wa kanojo to onaji go de hanashi dekimasen ga, onaji kuni de mo inaindesu ga, mada aishiteimasu. desu kara, kanojo wo totte ikanaide kudasai - boku no aisuru hito nano desu. kimi wa kore wo yomu hazu arimasen tte shirimasu. tada iitakatta dake. ... (w) nande konna ni seisoku de shabenno. aitsu nara miru wake nai ja. ahorashiiiiiiiiiiiii

hey flist. it's me, obviously. i don't want charlie or john or zhen han to see this, so this is going here instead of on any of my other blogs. because i need to let it out somewhere and my 100% private blog/diary doesn't feel like 'letting it out'.

i am tired. i am so, so utterly exhausted that talking is a chore that requires far more energy than i am willing to expend. i don't want to deal with anyone's shit. i can't even deal with my own. again yesterday i tried to kill myself, even though i know and everyone else knows that i have completely zero respect for people who commit suicide/attempt it. there's a lot of backstory behind this but if you dont know what it is, chances are you'll never know.

see, i'm fucked. thank you, god.

i'm becoming a psycho hahaha.
those of you reading this will be the first to know!

talked to my psychiatrist/psychologist/wtv cousin. she says i show signs of going clinically insane haha.

i'm not too bothered :P

sorry to all my lj people whose journals i am not commenting on
just feel like letting something out now

i feel lonely
my mom is hating on me and though i won't admit it to charlie i am terrified of what she (mom) might do tomorrow

now all i want is just to talk to someone who understands
and the people who understand are all dead.

not right for my public blog, but too happy for my private blog.

-
you make me happier than i've ever been before, just by being with me
i don't need to compare you to them
because you are with me in the here and now and
thank you

i love you too much to say this to you
because i know you don't quite love me in the same way as i love you
in this moment if you told me that if i didn't die then you would
then i'd gladly throw away my remaining life

all i want is for you to be happy

and then when you are happy i will be selfish because i am selfish
and i will ask you to just
be with me

end.

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I like Valentine's Day. ;)

Even though I'm valentine-less, haha.

Wanted to go to the florist and send roses to someone... but I decided not to because, well, .. No.

Got gifts todaaay :D From Boo and Christine and Jac and Sam and KZ and Soo Hui and Li Shen and Hui Shiang! The rest Ernest says he'll deliver tomorrow.

And Encik Siva is a *insert long string of insults* lah! He CONFISCATED the roses that the Interact Club was going to deliver to the Form 3s. WTF? It's V-day la you miserrrr just because you don't have any valentine doesn't mean you can do that. -_- Bastard.

Leon gave me a Famous Amos lollipop! Thank you ♥ I know Nellie's going to have a bitch-fit because of it, so really thanks a lot! :D

Ponteng-ed Science, Geo and Sejarah today. To do this KHB kata-2 hikmat thingy. SW got a gift from ****** ;D Congrats darling.

Thank you...

BOO! Your card is damn cute la. :)
Christine! ILU too.
Jac! OMG THE TEDDY BEAR! SQUISHY!
Sam! Big Foot sweets rock. Haha.
KZ! They spelled your name wrooong. :(
Soo Hui! D to the E to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S.
Li Shen! LU muchos, hunn!
Hui Shiang! Happy Valentine's to you tooo. (;

The rest of you, I'll thank when (IF) I get your gifts. HAHA.

John's back from Japan! :D

And he brought back nothing for me or my brother lol. Cheapskate.

Well, I got new clothes! :) I feel so slutty in them HA HA. -_-

( click me! )

Mmmmm, Rin, tell me when you go OU ya! I shall go meet you and glomp kao you :DDD And since OU is like my second home you may ask me for directions lol. Just kidding. I have a bad memory anyway.

And really OMG! I need Anna Sui makeup! I LOOOOVE their mascara, and their lip gloss is seriously can die dot com weih. Haha. Ok im going into bimbo territory. But I really want Anna Sui makeup... And the Secret Wish perfume! Sangat the love. And I saw this white necklace in Momoe that I ALSO want. xD I want alot of things laaahh. But I'm broke. Bluek. Still have to buy Chaaaarlie's birthday present summore. Yeesh.

Don't be so sad, Essy!
And Jacjac! :(

So many of my friends are emo-ing lately, makes me emo too. Especially when it rains! I actually cried in school on Monday just because it was raining and it got some bad memories to surface. :/ Crying in public isn't my thing lah. Hatehatehate it.

And apparently, subtle smokey eyes are IN on Anna Sui's 2007 runway. Which means not black, but greens and bronzes and stuff like that. Thin liquid eyeliner also.

Blablabla I am a bimbo and I suck and blogging. Thank you.

...

In other news, School Is Fun. :D Besides the homework part which I don't do homework at all I just copy so yeaahhhh. Haha. I NEED TO DO MY ART OMGGG HELP! T____T

I have just lost 20GB worth of stuff that I've collected over 2004-2006.

...

*cries*

Each player of this game starts off with 10 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 10 weird habits/things/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks.

1. People who knew me through forums and anything online will know this. But most schoolmates do not. Actually I am VERY VERY horny. :D I'm teaching the Art of Sick-ness to Jac. Just ask Tyron, MWAHAHA.

2. Eye contact = big nono. Notice when I'm talking to you I always stare at your lips? Or your hair la if you have sexy hair. Sounds wrong but still. I do. :P

3. I change the way I talk to suit who I'm talking to. When I talk to people who speak bad English, my English becomes bad and Chinese accented. When I'm talking to good English speakers, I speak good English lo. Most of the time. If you're an angmoh then my English suddenly becomes wannabe-angmoh. xD There's also the style in which I talk and stuff like that but I'm too lazy to list down all the styles I talk in now. Just one example, when I talk to people I just met my voice automatically changes to be more manja. -__-

4. There has NEVER been a time when I just started talking JUST LIKE THAT to a stranger. Never. I can't just out and say "Hi! How are you my name is Kero" NO. I'm quite people-phobic, and very self-conscious when I'm alone.

5. I really want to be liked by everyone. The thing I hate MOST is when I want to be friends with someone and they dislike me. :P Happens a lot. I like getting to know lots and lots of people. :D

6. When someone knows that I like them, I won't do anything about it. I'll keep away, not return messages/calls until either a) I stop liking them or b) they like me back. Haha. But don't think that I don't return your messages because I like you ahhh, sometimes I no credit one ok. I'm only human.

7. I actually like a lot of things that I say I don't like. Hypocrisy. I try to fit in. :P Of course, I love some things that other people call lala. "Lala" is very subjective lah. :/

8. I use a LOT of shampoo and conditioner when I wash my hair. I loooove playing with my hair, every Saturday morning when I wake up early there's a routine I follow. 1) Shampoo and wash. 2) Condition. 3) Bathe and stuff first. 4) Wash off conditioner, shampoo again. 5) Wash. Condition. Wash again. 6) Get out of bathroom, apply oil to hair. 7) Let it dry. I never EVER use a hairdryer unless I'm rushing for school. Then I dry my hair while eating.

9. I cannot STAND not having my toenails painted.

10. I am insanely jealous, and very possessive. If you're quite close to me, and you often talk about someone who's your BESTESTEST friend in the WORLD in front of me, I'll start to hate you. :/ It's the truth.

I tag anyone who wants to do this because I like to cheat that way. xD

I think my dad is damn funny lah.
Was typing up the first chapter of Masquerade (WAHAHAHA AT LAST - currently doing Justin's diary) when he asked to use the comp.
And then he continued the chapter for me -___-

But I digress as I will be leaving for Cambodia soon to pursue my hobby of living among the less developed people with unhygienic habits and questionable toilet practices. Nevertheless it poses a great challenge to my intellect not to mention my personal outlook to life. To have suffered I guess is better than to have lived a sheltered life without having experienced the ups and downs of life. It brings to mind the Shakespearean quote of :To be or not to be, whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or the take arms against them. To die to sleep aye that’s the rub for in that sleep of death, what dreams may come must surely give us pause.

Back to the true nature of this quite meaningless purpose of writing my memoirs.

His addition is in purple.

....

He loooooooves to kacau me. :P

This is going to be a random post. :P

Angsana isn't as bad as I expected it to be. :)
Lucky I'm sitting in the middle row though - side rows tend to be boring-er. xD

Ooohh! My brother came back from Australia already!
He brought back loads of candy and crap like that.
And his clothes are ALL branded. Mostly Polo tees though; his favourite brand.
It's like - me, Wei Wen (third brother), Wei Shen (second brother a.k.a. formerly in Australia brother) and his girlfriend were in his room and they were sorting out his clothes while me and Wei Wen were just kinda looking, and then suddenly this hat comes out and Wei Shen puts it on.

"STYLE ANOT! Mwahahaha!"

I would've replied no lah. But true though quite cool-looking xD

He goes out every night now, lepak with his Malaysian kakis.
Did I mention he brought back a PSP?
OMFG! And his phone is DAMN nice. Motorola RAZR V3. Not V3i, V3. DX Nice lahkayyy. A bit fat only.
AND, he is SUPER THIN.
I think his thighs are like the same size as Khei Qi's.
I THINK HE CAN WEAR HIS GIRLFRIEND'S CLOTHES LAAA. Not tops of course. :P

:D Some of you haven't seen him before, and for starry_, who looooves my brother, this is esPECIALLY for you.
Lucky he doesn't read my blog. :P













Don't lie lah I know he's cute. :P
The girl with him is his girlfriend lah obviously.

HE DIDN'T BRING BACK HIS FEET Dx As in the feet he's wearing in one of those pictures up there.

This is supposed to be about people who mean or meant something to you ever.
Start it off with 'Do you remember..' followed by a memory you shared.
Look for a memory of us. :) If I've left you out, I'm sorry, really. But you know I love you, aye? :)

Do you remember the time we acted like I had diarrhoea and you pretended to see me coming out of the toilet when on the phone with my mom, when really we were LOST and couldn't find the taxi stand?

Do you remember when I used to tell you really sappy bedtime stories about your crushes/infatuations? How the hell did some of them become so damn horny ah?!

Do you remember me slapping you because I hated you so much? I'm sorry.

Do you remember when I was locked out of tuition and you fucking SAW me yet you left me standing outside in the RAIN for half a bloody hour before telling teacher? Bitch. :P

Do you remember the time I called you and cried for fifteen whole minutes? I love you for listening.

Do you remember when we made a long list of things we hated about this one girl then showed it to her mom? I think we both regret that. :P

Do you remember the Fucking McD's Teddy Bears? Good times, good times.

Do you remember "accidentally" spilling Coke on this hot guy in TGIF?

Do you remember having that whacked group conversation in which we brainstormed really SIAO things for Masquerade?

Do you remember our first outing together to watch FD3 (which we laughed all the way through)? Then going to take purikura and realizing that SHE'D been in there all along?

Do you remember me emo-ing to you late at night? I poured out a lot of secrets no one else knew, or will know. Only to you, dearest.

Do you remember accusing me of having tooooo many weird fetishes? Now I admit it's very, very true. :P

Do you remember (of course you do, wasn't even a week ago) when your sister pressed the "send" button and you were panicking like mad? Nevermind lah, it was good. :P

Do you remember the Outlaw Star?

Do you remember the necklace? I do. I loved you. Now I don't, but I still care.

Do you remember those super long phonecalls that we made to each other almost everyday, and we had to take turns to hang up so that we'd actually HANG UP instead of talking a lot longer? I miss them. :P

Do you remember our huge falling out about that tiny little matter? We made up, but nowadays we don't talk. I want to talk to you - I miss you.

Do you remember coming to my primary school on Hari Anugerah Cemerlang?

Do you remember Ero Kero Day? And Click? And the super ero grope-boobs thing you did?

Do you remember telling me you missed me, just recently? I didn't believe you. I still don't.

Do you remember all the times I said 'I love you'? I meant it.

Do you remember?

I hope you do, all of you.

---

2006 Resolutions

x- Buy more clothes.
x- Make more effort to study.
x- Cut down on computer, exercise more!!
x- Make more friends.
x- Listen to more metal. (thanks haotehmao!)
x- Stop hating a certain person.
x- Finish all those hanging stories.
x- Get another pair of piercings on my earlobes.

I think I've done rather well. :) I've a lot of clothes I like to wear, though that means I've spent a lot of money too. :/ I do have more friends (new school and all), and I swear I stopped hating that person. :) We're friends now. Metal... Well. Hao bestowed his metalhead-ness on my ears. xD

Goodbye 2006, hello 2007. One year closer to my driving license, teehee. Now that 2006 is over, it seemed to pass so fast.

2006 was a really good year for me. I wasn't clinging to my old friends, instead I went and made a whole bunch of new friends. But don't worry lah, you people I've known for like 6-7 years edi, I'm not going to forget you kay. :)

Even though I make it out to be a good year, I had a really bad breakup on my birthday. Didn't tell anyone that I was going out with that guy, but yeah... Then I broke up with Mark, but we're still friends. :) Seriously though, his puppy dog eyes are cute. xD

Still. I had really good times in tuition (fuck you Leon :P), Japanese class (I don't consider it tuition, I like it because of Mr. Lum mostly - he's damn funny ok), and yes - school.

I don't think I'll miss 1 Jati as a whole, just the people I grew close to, some of whom aren't in the same class as me next year. :( Well, that's what MSN and Friendster are for. x) Sometimes I think I'll look back on my years when I'm older, and think that:

It was stupid to lie just so I could go out with my friends.
It was stupid to always copy homework so I'd avoid a scolding.
It was stupid to pretend I could, when I couldn't.
It was stupid to do a lot of things I did.

Then I think, what if I don't think it's stupid? What if all these so-called stupid things actually mean something to me, other than the moments of fun they provided? I love my friends a lot, and lying to be with them is NOT, by all means, the worst thing I'd do.

---

2007 is a whole new year (like duhhh).
I want it to be special.
I want it to mean a lot more to me than 2006 did, because last year involved a lot of things I don't ever want to do over.

2007 Resolutions

+- Exercise more. Seriously.
+- Study enough to get good marks, and satisfy my parents.
+- Go out A LOT more.
+- But save money at the same time.
+- Drink more water - there was one time this year I got severely dehydrated.
+- Cut down the time spent on computer, and write more.
+- FINISH CHAPTER ONE OF MASQUERADE. Sheesh.
+- Treat myself to Starbucks once a month. For good morale, ya know. :P
+- Get another pair of piercings! Maybe on my earbone. Or I could just get another pair on my earlobes.

---

Friends, if any one of you read through all this, I really mean it when I say I love you. Without you guys, I am nothing. :)

Bye, Merah. ): You and your rotan will be missed, in a way.
Am wearing a red ribbon on my wrist to school on Wednesday, like someone suggested.
Anyone with me? :)

AUDREY REBONDED HER HAIR, OMG.
Another reason to kinda look forward to school. :D

My holidays have been great. :) Better than any holidays yet - even including last year. :D Got to meet some wonderful people I haven't seen in ages: m_egumi, starry_, animefreak1988, rin_uchiha, Rachel, Jiali - and lots more. Thank you everyone, for making my year so, very, worth it. I still plan to do anything I can to be able to meet haruyama when she's still in KL. :)

This post shall be picture filled because I feel like it. I APOLOGIZE FOR KILLING YOUR FRIEND'S PAGE, LJ-ERS. D: *lazy to cut*



Darling people. :) Jiali, you're not fat. :P I need to steal Megumi's gloomy bear



My one and only bestie since we were 7, Khai Zhin. ;D She's cute la. Right? d:



Me and Rin. Supposed to be acting, er, seductive. I think we failed horribly lah. :P Eating chocolate strawberries in Sunway!



The Ero Santa at Sunway. I think that's Rachel's hand. Hahaha.



Wenji and I. She's insane la. :P



This is WENJI'S room. She should be a guy weih. She's also gonna kill me for putting up a picture of her room, I think. :D



These, by the way, are the guys me and Rin were calling gay at Sunway. I have like a million pictures of them.... >D



:D Guess who. Love them all!



THAT, by the way, is Bou. He's (yes, HE) a guitarist. :D A very pretty one, I might add.



Just because I felt like it - a 1 Jati picture. :) I'm going to miss crapping everyday with some people. But not some otherrrr people la. Namely Abhilaash, for one. He loves annoying me TOOOOO much. :P

Orait. Im lazy to type. :P Going to Ipoh on the 26th (sorry Khei!), and hopefully meeting m_egumi again. I want to poke herrrr!

KHEIIII. An update juuuuust for you. :D

( random stuff )

12 Top People

1. Starry
2. Wenji
3. Khai Zhin
4. Khei Qi
5. Jacqueline
6. Charlie
7. Guki
8. Hao
9. Rin
10. Christine
11. Megumi
12. Deborah


Number One (Starry)

Why's this person number one? Coz we're sisters! :D Well, not biologically, but whatever.
How long have you known this person? Mmmm, 2 and a half years. :)
Why are you friends with he/her? Because she's lovely!
Do you love him/her? Of course.
Is he/she you best friend or girlfriend/boyfriend? Bestestestest friend. :)


Number Two (Wenji)

Why is this person number 2 not number 1? She's my master, not my friend. :P
How did you met him/her? At that wonderful forum, KKP. And then she claimed me as her teddy bear.
Have you ever date him/her? Nope. We kekal slave-master relationship lah hahaha.
Is he/she smart? Is sugar sweet?
Have you ever been to the movies with him/her? FD3 yo. Haha. Yeap.
Do you go to the same school as this person? Nope. ):


Number Three (Khai Zhin)

What colour hair does he/she has? Black. :)
Does he/she has any talents? Hah, she has the talent to ANNOY ANNOY ANNOY. Right anot!?
Is he/she good looking? Of course laaaa which friend of mine isn't. :P
Would you ever think of marrying them? If she rela then come on man! HAHA.
What's his/her favourite TV show? CSI. :D


Number Four (Khei Qi)

Why is this person number four? Because she listens to me. Hee.
Do you love this person? Yeeessssssss!
Have you ever dated them? Hahaha nolah she doesn't swing that way.
How long have you known this person? Since this year. :)
What's Their Worst Quality? DAMN FUCKING SHY. Muka tebal abit larh, woman!


Number Five (Jacqueline)

Do You Have Any Classes With This Person? Same class ^^
How Did You Meet This Person? No idea. Through Hui Shiang kua. :D
How Long Have You Known Them? Since this year also.
Would You Ever Go On A Date With Them? DOUBLE date can lah. :P
What Color Eyes Do They Have? Dark brown.


Number Six (Charlie)


Is This Person Cool? As ice.
Are They Smart? Wait until SPM results out then I say lah ok. :P
Is This Person Older Then You? Unfortunately, yesss.
Do They Play Any Sports? Dunno. :P
How Long Have You Known Them? About a year.
How Did You Meet This Person? Through KKP also. :D That forum is so wonderful, hehe.


Number Seven (Guki)

Does This Person Have Any Siblings? Yep. :)
Are They Dating Anyone? Nopeee. I think. :P
Do You Know Them Well? I wanna know her better.
How Old Are They? 18 next year. :)
Have You Met Any Of Their Family? Nope. ):
Why Do You Hang Out With This Person? Never hung out with her before lah. HAHA. This sucks man. :P


Number Eight (Hao)

Have You Ever Been To This Person's House? I'm not gonna fly all the way to Sarawak lah come on man.
How Long Have You Known Them? Couple of months.
Would You Ever Go On A Date With Them? Rela! Hahaha. If he doesn't guitar/metal-talk me to sleep la. :P
What's Their Favorite Color? Black? Dunno. Sorry Hao Hao!
What Color Hair Do They Have? Blackkk.
Do You Talk To This Person Often? How not to. He metalhead gila, always send me songs leh. Of course la talk to him alot. :P


Number Nine (Rin)

Why Isn't This Person On Your Top 8? Because she's number nine. HA. :P
Do You Love This Person? Yeee, of course la.
Are They Smart? Too smart.
What's Their Favorite Movie? Dunno. :D I suck. Haha.
Are They Dating Anyone? She's single now. AND SHE WOULDN'T TELL ME ANYWAY. *sulks*
Have You Ever Seen A Movie With Them? Yeap.

Number Ten (Christine)

Do You Have Any Classes With This Person? Same class!
What's Their Favorite Color? Purpleee.
How Old Are They? Same age as me. :)
Have You Ever Called Them? A lot. Hahaaa.
Have You Ever Talked To Them Online? Freako too busy playing online games la. :P
Do You Comment Each Other A Lot? Comment on how stupid the both of us are got la. Haha.


Number Eleven (Megumi)

Do You Like This Person As More Then A Friend? Yeah! She's my ero-strawberry-turtle!
Has This Person Ever Kissed Someone? She dun wanna tell me.. Her family lah. *SULKKK*
Have You Ever Been To This Person's House? She stays in Ipohhh. D: Actually I would visit her but I dunno where her house is. :P
What Grade Are They In? No grade liao lo. She's in TOA.
What's Their Middle Name? Forgot. :D Don't kill me plz!
Would You Ever Date This Person? HA. As if she'll ditch Heaven-sama for me.


Number Twelve (Deborah)

How Long Have You Known This Person? Since 2005.
Why Are You Friends With This Person? Because la. :D
What Are Their Initals? DLJW. I'm so smart!
Are They Dating Someone? Nooope.
When Was The Last Time You Saw This Person? At her school carnival. So long ago! ):
Do You Have Any Classes With This Person? Nada. ):


UPDATE FINISHED. Cheating one but still. :D

Bleh.

Sorry for all my shoooort, pictureless updates, but you know me lah. Lazy.

That TV3 thing is annoying as hell. Especially when they added the damn NEW SONG. :/ I mean, my parts are easy la, but you know, lazy to memorize. Haha.

Aduh no mood to update. :P I'll update when I HAVEEE something to update about. :D

Nyanko puffs!